Thursday, June 12, 2008


Last Monday as I was visiting my doctor, I began to experience chest pains. The pains were so severe that I had to be rushed to the ER, where I was treated, and released, and I was greatful to God that it wasn't serious. I was told to get lots of rest, which I did, while I missed my meeting at SOS, an Anti-Violence group I volunteer at. When I called to inform them about my absence, the head of the group asked if I needed anything?
"A bottle of water" I said.
That evening, she and two other members of the group brought me two bottles of water and told me to call if I needed anything.
I was really touched by their love and concern, which showed me that there are people in the Gay community who care about each other and I was thankful for their love and concern.
After they left, I began to have Reflections about a church (which is a fuckin'cult) that I was a part of for 6 years, where I experienced drama, mental, spiritual and on three occasions physical altercations with three leaders.
Their views were that they were the only true church and that in order to make it to Heaven, you had to get Baptized and join their church.
After joining, I was required to be at various events, give up being Gay, and date the sisters in the congregation, which I did.
Each members were assigned a Disciple partner (mentor) who was supposed to help you grow spiritually, and while some did, others were a bunch of egotistic controlling jackasses.
Out of the 9 I had, I had excellelnt relationships with 4, who were mature, loving, caring and respectful, while the others were caught up into legalism, impressing the leaders and not having compassion and commonsense.
I was told by some leaders to change my voice to sound masculine (like Ja-Rule and DMX) because if I didn't I would make my wife struggle spiritual and uncomfortable and that was the reason why guys were trying to holla at me.
I was told that I had to date the sisters every week because if I didn't they would leave and get with a man in the world who was quote on quote treat them bad.
My second mentor forced me to go to service though I was suffering from an ear infection. (He said I couldn't miss chruch unless I was in the hospital with tubes inside me). He also got me at me cuz I didn't call him despite him knowing I was suffering from 2 ear infections and was on heavy medication.
He got mad at me cuz I didn't call to see if a friend was coming to church though I told him that I lost a family friend and I was busy helping my friend prepare for her late Grandmother's funeral. (That nigga had the nerve to tell me "I shouldn't use helping my friend with funeral plans as an excuse for not seeing if my friend was coming out! the nigga also had his number to).
He also grabbed me one day at school during an arguement that he started.
Another leader had grabbed me and dragged me down the street because I was late for an meeting.
Some members would get mad if I didn't date on a regular basis.
After feeling depressed, and getting tired of being forced to be someone I wasn't, I had to follow the advice of Mary, Cindy, Scherrie and Susaye, and "Let My Heart Do The Walking." In other words, I left, and started to focus on my education, my health and growing into a Gay/SGL man who received 2 scholarships, and respect as a writer.
It also showed me that Gay/SGL people are not sinners, and demon-possessed people.
Gay people are just as spiritual (some are even more), and it shows that those who curse you will be cursed and those who blessed you will be blessed.

Though I'm not a perfect person, I'm still growing as a person, and I'm glad to be a Black Gay man who's overcome spiritual abuse.

As Tina Turner says
When The Heartache Is Over, I know I won't be missing you

Thanks to the staff of SOS for the love and support.

1 comment:

RocaFella07 said...

Wow! I hope your all better now.

Your story about your experience with that church was something else...Im sooo glad you came out of it alright.