Today I went to see my thearpist for our regular appointemtnt, and she informed that she will be leaving the place where I've been seeking treatment for depression for the past 10 years. She will be working at a Hospice. I'm kind of shock, because she has helped me overcome many issues I had dealt with; coming to grips with my sexuality, being able to be a spiritual and gay man, and to leave my former cult/chruch where I endured emotional, spritual abuse, as well as having a physical altercation with three of the cult leaders.
I never ever though that she would leave, but she has an opportunity to better herself and to continue providing healing to others, which she was put on earth to do.
While I'm at the computer, I decided to get this off my heart. I'm a little sad, but I'm glad that God placed her in my life to help me become the man that I'm still striving to be, and I know that she will do well helping others.
My session with her taught me that sometimes change is good for the better. I remember times when I was in unhealthy situations, and it got to the point where I just couldn't take no more, and I had to follow the advice and take the mode of Mary-Cindy-Scherrie and Susaye. In other words, I had to let my heart to do the walking.
One incidendt comes to mind.
In December, 2000, I had decided to leave my former college newspaper, because of the politics, bad vibes and attitude that I began to receive from one of the senior editiors (who fooled many people by acting like she was a sweet and timid female) and lack of professional growth.
As I Capricorn, I decided to leave, but I wanted to make sure I had things in order. I spoke to the editor of the other school publication (which has been around for over 40 years) to see if she needed any writers. She said yes and wanted to know why I was interested in joining her the publiciation
"I wanted to grow as a writer" I told the editor, who gracely welcomed me with open arms before I even signed on. That day I went into action; I didn't want the staff at my former publication know I was leaving, so I fulfilled my obligatiion (though I didn't have too, but I didn't to give them a clue about what I was doing) by submitting my last article for the semester, and attending the elections. After that, I focused on my studying for my finals, and started working on drafts for articles that I wanted to have published, and on the last day of finals, I left my resenation later in the former editor's mailbox, explaining my reasons for leaving, and I began to feel good about my decision. I spoke to several of my family and friends about my decision, and they were happy. All but one. I called this lady at the cult named "Georgia" to see how she was doing, because she didn't come to service that day. She told me she was under the weather, but she was looking foward to grow personally and spiritually in 2001, and I told her I was going to do the same thing. I don't recall what changes she said she was going to make, but when I told her about me writing for another publication, she was totally against the idea. The reasons were really stupid
"Don't leave brother." she said.
"They're just plotting to get rid of you."
I was shocked at her statement.
I told her that I was leaving because there were some undercover stuff going on, and I didn't wanna be there
"Don't leave. By you being a Disciple of Jesus, you can be there to expose them."
I couldn't believe she said that.
I told her that there were other staff members who had also left for the same reasons, and most of the editors weren't getting along with each other.
"You're suffering from low self-esteem. Just like they're suffering from low self-esteem" she said in reference to why me and three of the other former staff members reasons for leaving. "I've read your articles and you don't need go. You can glorify good by staying there." "She's not getting it" I said to myself. "I'm not leaving because I'm depressed. I'm leaving because I'm tired of being disrespected and not appreciated."
I told her that I couldn't be at a place where I wasn't appreciated and I needed to be at a place where I could grow as a writer. I also told her that I wasn't a perfect person and that I made many mistakes, but I needed to move on.
She wasn't listening. She got mad.
"You're not relying on God for your decision" she said in a firm and sarcastic tone of voice. She tried to tell me a story about how she was sick and her best friend, a Puerto-Rican lady (who supported my decision, and was more mature than she was) referred her to a doctor, but she didn't listen and she wounded up in the hospital.
After I told her the reason for the 5th time, she got very indignent with me.
"Well you know what Ra Shawn, (now) I'm not speaking to you as a Disciple and a child of God because you're not listening and you're not heeding my advice!!" I was shocked at her outburst. I decided to end the conversation, and didn't speak to her for 11 months. It seemed like that heifer didn't listen to anything I said. Her theory was that I continued to stay at the publication even though I was being mistreated, disrespected and unappreciated. I'm glad she didn't become a case worker because alot of people in her case load would probably be dead or in mental institurions. In other words, if she had the opportunity, she would have probably tried to tell people to stay with their spouses eventhough they're getting their ass kicked on a hourly basis.
Another person who didnt' want me to leave was a female names "Millie" who was the managing editior of my former publication at the time. She, like many were shocked by the letter that I left, and she had went all out to get me to return. She came into the office and when she saw me, she said 'Step outside I wanna talk to you."
I went back to the office and when she asked me why I left, I told her my reasons, and she wanted me to come back because she had told me that there were changes made, and that I would be guranteed a spot on the e-board. I was in a pre Le-Toya Luckett "Torn" stage. I spoke to many of my friends and while most of them told me to negotiate a trial period deal, the rest was encourgage me to move on, so that following week, I turned in my office key and moved on.
Being at the other publication was a great change for me on a professional and personal level. Professionally, I was able to grow, write aritcles that I loved, and I had the opportunity to meet and interview many artists and authors including Kenji Jasper, Daryl C. Diggs, Killer Mike, Native, DJ Envy, former Supremes Mary Wilson and Susaye Greene and legend Chaka Khan. I also received respect from the staff and student body including members of the school's entertainment club, who always asked me to cover their events and invite me to listening parties. I've also received three awards for journalism as well.
I remember when I went to a meeting at a group I was part of at the cult, and everybody was sharing news about the great things that happened to them. Georgia happened to be there, and I was hesitant about sharing about the award I received, but I decided, 'shoot I'm gonna share my story whether she likes it or not.' When it came my turn, I shared about my weight loss, and everybody including Georgia was clapping with a big kool-aid smile on her face. Then I told the group about me moving to a new publication.
"Not only did we become the top college newspaper, I was also received an award for journalism" I told the small group, who clap and cheered excitedly. Everybody, except Georgia, who turned her face away from me, and clapped with a evil look on her face.
Miss thang was shocked (and probably pissed) that I didn't listen to her stupid reasons, and had an excellent outcome.
Personally, I was able to maintain friendships with most of the staff and though we don't stay in touch often due to our busy schedules, whenever we see each other, we always keep each other up with what we're doing.
The topic of this post: Change can be good. Yes it can be scary, but if you walk on faith, and be serious about it, it can work out for the best.
Songs inspired for this post
A CHANGE IS GONNA COME
PEFORMED BY SAM COOKE
WRITTEN BY SAM COOKE
1965 RCA RECORDS
I'M GONNA LET MY HEART DO THE WALKING
PERFORMED BY THE SUPREMES
WRITTEN BY BRIAN HOLLAND-EDDIE HOLLAND-HOWARD BEATTY
PRODUCED BY BRIAN HOLLAND
# 25 R&B, # 40 POP
LEAD VOCALS: SCHERRIE PAYNE
BACKGROUND VOCALS: MARY WILSON, CINDY BIRDSONG, SCHERRIE PAYNE, SUSAYE GREENE
LINE-UP MARY WILSON, SCHERRIE PAYNE, SUSAYE GREENE
* CINDY BIRDSONG HAD RECORDED ON THIS SONG BEFOFRE SHE LEFT THE GROUP AND WAS REPLACED BY SUSAYE GREENE
1976 MOTOWN RECORDS
CALL ME GONE
PERFORMED BY PATTI LABELLE
WRITTEN BY DIANE WARREN
PRODUCED BY JIMMY JAM & TERRY LEWIS FOR FLYTE TYME PRODUCTIONS
2000 MCA RECORDS
IT'S MY TURN
PERFORMED BY DIANA ROSS
WRITTEN BY MICHAEL MASSER
PRODUCED BY MICHAEL MASSER
1981 MOTOWN RECORDS
WALK THE LINE
PERFORMED BY MARY WILSON
1992 CEO ENTERTAINMENT
TORN
PERFORMED BY LETOYA LUCKETT
WRITTEN BY TEDDY BISHOP, LETOYA LUCKETT, THOM BELL
PRODUCED BY TEDDY BISHOP
CONTAINS SAMPLES OF YOU ARE EVERYTHING PERFORMED BY THE STYLISTICS
2006 CAPITOL RECORDS
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