Adam Benjamin Irby has been becoming very popular among the gay and online community, thanks to his blog www.abenjaminirby.com, where he writes about his experiences of dating, as well as sex, which has viewers impressed, and hot. He's also apperared in Nathan Seven Scott's online magazine, and is currently working on an miniseries, which will enlarge his fan base.
I had the opportunity to interview this talented and cool writer via email, where he spoke about his blog page, Singer Millie Jackson, hyprocrites, police brutality, and the importance of Gay man being more that sex objects.
1. Thanks for the interview. Tell the viewers who is Adam, please.
Adam: Adam is simply a black gay male writer.
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2. I have to congratulate you on being selected for chosen by Nathan "Seven" Scott for Flawless November '07. How does it feel to have been chosen to pose for his online magazine?
Adam: It was really cool because along with being recognized for whatever it is you do in the community, being chosen for Flawless is also a nod to your physical appearance and who doesn't like that?
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3. In your blog, you write about experiences of dating. What inspired to be bold enough to write about those experiences?
Adam: Well, a lot of people describe me writing in my blog as being like the black gay Carrie Bradshaw. I'm honored because a huge "Sex And The City" fan and interestingly enough some of my experiences parallel hers. I wanted to start writing as a way to let out some of the frustration I was feeling inside with dating and relationships. To see my situations written out in black and white helps me to deal with them better and not rationalize my foolishness. It's worked wonders for me. It's like cheap therapy.
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4. Did you ever had any of your past dates or ex's try to confront you for writing about your experiences online?
Adam: My life is an open book but I'm really, really, really big on other people's privacy. When I tell a story about an ex, a past date, or someone I'm currently dating, everyone gets aliased and I purposely leave off any identifying characteristics. The point of my blog isn't to be messy or controversial or to expose anyone. The point is to tell the story and deal with the issues at hand. So for the most part I never had an ex confront me about anything I've written because whatever is written about that person is the truth and it's written very objectively and half the time I'm not even in contact with the persons I write about anymore. At the end of the day the blog post isn't about them anyway.
They were involved in the experience but the blog posts are about me and how I handled the situation.
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5. One of my favorite posts was the ode to the Sass & Class Queen, Millie Jackson who is one of my favorite singers. What is about Millie Jackson that you admire, what are your favorite songs, and what prompted you use her line "Them Same Ones Be Talkin' 'Bout I'm Dirty, Be Readin' My Blog And Hidin' It..."?
Adam: My favorite Millie Jackson song is the "Phuck U Symphony." It's a classic. I loved the fact that Millie was raw and that she never let haters bring her down. That particular post was inspired by someone who was hating on me on a message board. The person had all this stuff to say about me being dirty yet was one of the main ones on the blog every time I posted.
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6. I remember us meeting at Cosi to tape DJ Doo-Dirty's show and in addition to speaking about your dating experiences, you've also allowed the listeners know how intelligent and mature you are be speaking about issues including Gay rights, Gay marriage, and having respect for self and others. How's important is it for you showcase your intelligence and and for Gay men to respect, be respected and be more than sex toys?
Adam: It's definitely important, very important. While some may think I'm good looking and sexy and that's great, I ain't hardly complaining, but at the end of the day I'm still a writer with like brains and stuff.
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7. You grew up in church, and as we know, many Gay men have to put on facades to please their families and church members (who participate in the same things that they preach against). When did you become comfortable and strong enough to know that it's okay for you to be gay and spiritual?
Adam: The first thing I had to do was let go of the facade. When you're lying to everyone else about who you are how can you be true to yourself. If you're sitting under a ministry that preaching "faggot this and faggot that" knowing that you are gay you're never gonna be strong as a gay man or as a man, period. The day that I became strong was the day I realized
that God loves me regardless of whether I'm gay or not and it's the church people who have the hangups.
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8. You've also wrote about your experiences of being falsely detained by police. How are you moving on from that experience, and how can Black and Latino Gay and Hetero men can take action if they should be in the unfair situation?
Adam: I'm moving on just fine and they didn't take me anywhere thank God. The situation was diffused before it had to go there. As far as what to do afterwards I was instructed by
a civil rights attorney to contact you local Civil Complaints Review Board if something like this were to happen to you and you weren't hurt. If you were hurt, call your attorney.
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9. How do you manage to balance your time with your job, working the blog and having a active social life.
Adam: It's difficult but the most important thing is concentrating on the most important things. Right now, my writing comes first. It's my passion, it's my destiny. Once I get that where I want it to be everything else will fall into place.
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10. You've given up online dating. Do you have any regrets doing so, and how what are the benefits of not having to tolerate people's games?
Adam: I actually don't regret giving up online dating at all and I don't think that online dating though is a something in which there are people who play games more than any other method of dating of meeting people. When I did it I didn't play games. Every person is different, to each his own. I'm just trying to try dating and meeting people in a more organic fashion.
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11. What kind of men are you attracted to, and what would be your ultimate dream date and romantic fantasy?
Adam: I have things that I'm physically attracted to. I'm inclined toward pretty boys that are thin and shorter than me. But looks are becoming secondary to me. Right now I'm not actively looking for a partner but whoever come along must be genuine and not into playing any games.
My dream date is to cook my date dinner and just we stay in the house, chillin', talking, watching a movie and getting to know each other. I like to cuddle. I'm a home body and just an all around pretty simple guy. I don't ask for much.
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12. Now that you're becoming well known, is it easier for you to tell if a guy wants to get with you for who you are and/or for bragging rights? (I got an extra cane if u need to knock out any bug-a-boos lol)
Adam: I don't think I'm that well known, at least not yet where sleeping with me will get anyone anything more than a good time.
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13. In addition to the blog, are there any other projects you're working on?
Adam: Well, there's an intimate video interview project that I'm doing called "adam. the mini-series" produced by Nathan "Seven" Scott. It's on YouTube and I'm getting really positive feedback from it.
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14. Where do see yourself in the next 5 years and how do you think you're making an impact on Gay life.
Adam: In five years I would have definitely written my first and be working on my second or third book. I would also like to do a book tour, some inspirational speaking, workshops and things like that to give back to the community.
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15. I have to thank you for giving me the privilege to interviewing you. Is there anything you want to say to the viewers reading this interview?
Adam: I just want to thank everyone who took time out of their day to read this. I appreciate it more than you know.
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