As I was getting my dance on last night, I had a great moment when a tall sexy fella wearing a fitted cap, sweat-shirt, jeans and Nike sneakers (I have a weakness for men who rocks Nikeys and timberlands) started dancing with me and for some strange reason, I didn't shy away.
Years ago, I would have been shy (I'm still am shy), but I decided to let my hair down and have a good time without feeling any ounce of guilt.
As I posted several times, I was a member of a chruch (which I call a cult) where they had members follow stupid rules and regulations, such as only attending their service and having members believe that they were the only true church who takes God's word seriously and who's going to Heaven. They also had us date within the confides of the organization to prevent the sisters from leaving and they had us attend many services and events to prevent us from straying as well as preventing members from giving into sex and masturbation. Oh yes, they was totally against sex outside of marriage and self-pleasure; they used to say that masturbation was unclean, disgusting, sinful and keeps one seperated from God.
It seemed that most of the time I was asked about my purity and if I was depressed, I was accused of lusting and masturbation, which I've done several times despite doing all things to prevent myself from doing so, including asking my Psychitrist to increase the dosage of my anti-depression medicines.
They put some much emphasis on purity it was fucking phatetic;
Once me and couple of other members had celebrated New Years at a former member's house, who suggested that we stay the night at her house so we wouldn't have to wait a long time for the train to come. We were like cool; the sisters slept in her room, while we slept in the living room, and a few hours later, my former mentor was on the phone with his mentor, who had a hissy fit about us staying over her house overnight. I'm don't remember what he was told word from word, but it was to the affect of the men not taking lead, and not being Christlike, saying that Satan could have gotten a hold of the section and we could have had sexual flings that night and we should have left them sisters there.
I laugh about that incident because the reasons were stupid.
First of all, it was mad brick that night, and being that the train was running shuttle, it would have taken us about 3 or more hours to get home (especially for the guys who lived in Brooklyn).
I had no issues because there were about two occasions, where I spend the night with a group of females and nothing sexually happen, and I was grateful that someone had consideration to allow us a place to stay instead of waiting in the cold for two trains.
Another event that I've been laughing about is the time when my former bible talk leader copped an attitude for attending my friend's 25 birthday party. One Friday, we were out trying to convert people and he wanted to know my plans for the next day.
"I'm going to my friend who left the church birthday party" I told him
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked me angrily.
"I wish you would have told me earlier so I could have spoken to J and see if it was OK for you to go."
I was shocked. He wish I would have told him earlier so he could get approval from our pastor who was 24 years old at the time. Then on Monday, he started telling me I wasn't wise and showed me a scripture talking about bad company corrupts go character
and he wanted a full report of what happened
I told him what he needed to know, and he wanted to know what made me decided to go to his party and did I ask his mother was there gonna be any alcohol there.
I couldn't beleive that incident. Getting approval from the pastor about me attending a good friend of mines party and judging his guests. People he never even knew and vice-versa.
Back to the sex topics, they would do everything to prevent us from having sexual thoughts, and not playing certain songs at parties (when they threw parties, they made sure they played the edited versions of the songs; one leader wouldn't let me play Monica and Usher's version of Midnight Star's 1983 classic "Slow Jam" though some females requested to hear the song.
That was one of the many reasons I left that place to grow and be comfortable with who I am, and though I'm still making progress, I'm doing a good job going out to parties and shaking my groove thang by myself and/or with people who show interest without any guilt or shame.
As long as I respect myself and others, I'll be good to go
Songs played during this post
Superlover
Performed by LaBelle
Written by Nona Hendryx, Patti LaBelle and Sarah Dash
Produced by Lenny Kravitz
2009 Verve Records
System
Performed by LaBelle
Written by Nona Hendryx
Produced by Lenny Kravitz
2008 Verve Records
Jumpin', Jumpin'
Performed by Destiny's Child
Written by Beyonce Knowles, Chad Elliot-Rufus Moore
Produced by Chad Elliot and Beyonce Knowles
1999 Columbia Records
Lineup" Beyonce Knowles, Kelly Rowland, Le-Toya Luckett-La-Tavia Roberson
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